From the depths of sorrow, to finding peace and hope, our members have so much they want to share about this unexpected journey we are on...
There will never be the right words to convey the depth of my sorrow for the loss of your sweet baby. No one should have to experience the loss of a child, regardless of age or gestation. Please know that while you may feel alone, you are not. You may not know it, but there is a supportive community of other mothers of loss who will be there to guide you. They will reassure you of two things: it’s not your fault and some day you will be able to carry this loss more easily.
It's not your fault. There is still so much we do not know about the human body, which is maddening. Please know that you did everything right with the information you had available at the time. You were a fighter and if your love and strength were the sole factors in a different outcome, then it would have happened. Your sweet baby knows how much you love them and wanted them. You did everything you could, even if it may have meant putting yourself at risk. Please find peace in the time you carried your sweet baby and the way you got to say good-bye. Embrace the memories of the first ultrasound and the first kicks. Know that they felt your love when you’d talk, or sing, or read to them.
Take heart and be strong. I know how easy it is to fall into darkness and despair, but it’s important to look towards the light, even when it feels like you’re drowning. Reach out to your family and friends. Understand that they may not know the right thing to say or do. Forgive them for this. Tell them what you need. Let them comfort you. You deserve their comfort. Please don’t punish yourself for this. Your child would not want you to live your life in despair.
Your child matters and will always matter. Say their name. Look at their picture. Hold their blanket and think of them. Keep their memory alive however you feel necessary: plant a garden, make donations in their name, give them a stocking at Christmas, or include them in your family however feels right to you.
This will always hurt, and you’ll always miss them and wonder “what if?” but please don’t let this define you. You are more than the sum of your losses and struggles in life. Honor your child by living how you think they would want you to live. Care for yourself as you would want to care for them.
Life did feel perfect for a time being. Being pregnant without any fertility treatment and after a few months of trying, our baby’s due date 3 days before our wedding anniversary (a perfect anniversary gift), siblings close in age. That was the calm before the storm. Everything about me changed after losing my 2nd son, Samip, who was born sleeping on Jan 16, 2018. We lost him at 37 weeks of healthy pregnancy. After Samip died is when I truly understood life. My life was shattered. But my mind was in a fight; I do not know with whom. Probably with someone who was making my life choices for me. I didn’t like it. I wanted to make my own choices and I wanted to win. It sounds odd, but this one sided mental fight got me trying for another baby. I didn’t think whether I was ready, whether I had grieved enough for Samip. I would always remember and miss him. I knew a future pregnancy would be terrifying no matter how long I waited.
After trying for a few months, I found out I was pregnant in November 2018. I joined Rainbow Pregnancies of Madison Facebook group after a few weeks. Just knowing there are other women who had a baby after loss was reassuring.Those nine months were daunting. I had so many questions: what do I do differently this time, how do I make sure this baby will be born crying, was that a kick or a cramp, sleepless nights, fear and anxiety every moment, who do I talk to, will someone judge me for being paranoid? It was tough. A constant war between fear and hope. Having this support group was a safe place to share all my feelings. A lot of us hadn’t met in person or may never meet. But their words of comfort, encouragement, virtual hugs and presence was what kept me sane during my pregnancy after loss journey. Doctor appointments were the most terrifying. Fear of silence and hope for a heartbeat. I would share about everything that was stressing me. In this group, I would always feel heard. My fears were not ignored, they were validated, understood and comforted.
Pregnancy after loss is a journey of hope and fear. It will be lonely to navigate through this without people who you can truly relate to and who will understand. I am truly thankful for this group and these amazing women who marched alongside me on my journey. My rainbow boy, Sanup, is a year old now. If you find yourself going through pregnancy after the loss of your baby, please know that there is a network of people here to support you.
Srijana P. - Mom of Samip
Are you pregnant after loss?
Join our Rainbow Pregnancies of Madison private Facebook page or the monthly support group for mamas. Email Rebecca at firstname.lastname@example.org to learn more or see the August calendar for support group details.
August 2020 E-newsletter
Share your story!
We are taking submissions for articles to share in our monthly e-newsletter. We believe it is healing for parents to share their experiences and valuable for the both community to relate and professionals to gather a better understanding.
Each of these stories was featured in an e-newsletter and distributed to parents and professionals in our community. We hope that parents reading these stories will feel less alone and that the caregivers and professionals that we trust can learn from our experiences.
For Information & Support:
(call or text)
In person support suspended March 14, 2020. Zoom Support Group
3rd Thursday of every month, 7:30pm
SSM Health St Mary's Hospital
Cafeteria Dining Room A/B
700 South Park Street
Madison, WI 53715
Bereaved Parents of Madison, Inc
PO BOX 46511
Madison, WI 53744
If you are making a donation in memory of someone special, please let us know!
Bereaved Parents of Madison Inc is a 501(c)(3)