Bereaved Parents of Madison Inc
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Member Stories

From the depths of sorrow, to finding peace and hope, our members have so much they want to share about this unexpected journey we are on...

Losing my son and my identity

12/26/2020

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In July 2018, our son James was born. After being in the NICU with him for 16 hours a day for a week, we found out he was born with a severe brain injury.  

With that he was moved to a children’s hospital a few days later for a g-tube surgery and more testing. We eventually found out that James may never walk, talk or be able to fully eat on his own. The doctors didn’t know for sure what his outlook would be. While they tried to give us an idea of what his and our future would look like, they never talked about his longevity.

Having a special needs child changes who you are. Your life revolves around their specialized doctor appointments, their therapy, their equipment. Your other children sacrifice too. They get taken on appointments, they don’t get as much attention and they’re expected to help out more. They grow up faster than they should. Your special needs child becomes who you and your family are. It’s your identity. 

In October 2018 James died of SIDS at 12 weeks old and it completely devastated me, my husband and our daughter. My imperfectly perfect family; my dream of what our family would look like was crushed to pieces. I was lost, felt alone even though we have amazing family and friends and just didn’t feel like myself anymore. I didn’t recognize myself.      

One of the hardest decisions we had to make after James died was, do we adopt again or not? I wanted to. I was willing to go through more heartbreak, but my husband wasn’t. It took months and a lot of conversation, but we decided that this is our family now. Our daughter here, our son in heaven. This decision wrecked me almost as much as losing my son. I continued to feel like I was losing my identity. 

I never thought I would suffer from depression, let alone, anxiety, and PTSD. I was in denial about my mental health. I finally had to accept it, allow myself to feel my emotions, and humble myself enough to ask for help. There was no way I could get out of the darkness alone. It took time, patience through the setbacks and a lot of grace. It was worth it. 

I feel more aligned with my purpose now than I ever thought possible. I did find myself again; my new self. You might think you will never feel like yourself again. You're right, you won’t feel like your old self again, but you can learn to embrace your new self. You can love yourself again, feel healthy again, and find out who you really are. You are here for a reason.  You are worth it.

Michelle, James’ mom
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    Each of these stories was featured in an e-newsletter and distributed to parents and professionals in our community. We hope that parents reading these stories will feel less alone and that the caregivers and professionals that we trust can learn from our experiences. 

    ​Authors of each article are listed below with a link to the e-newsletter they were featured in.

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Find Us:

In person support suspended March 14, 2020. Zoom Support Group
3rd Thursday of every month, 7:30pm
SSM Health St Mary's Hospital
Cafeteria Dining Room A/B
700 South Park Street
Madison, WI 53715

To Donate:

Bereaved Parents of Madison, Inc
PO BOX 46511
Madison, WI 53744

If you are making a donation in memory of someone special, please let us know!


Bereaved Parents of Madison Inc is a 501(c)(3)

Updated
2021-2-28
  • Home
  • Grief Support
    • Monthly Support Group
    • Zoom Support Group
    • Early Loss/Miscarriage Support
    • TFMR
    • Crisis Support
    • Mental Health Professionals
    • Reading List
    • Resources
  • HUGS Peer Support
    • Our Program
    • Community Volunteers
    • Sauk Prairie Healthcare
    • SSM Health Monroe Clinic
    • SSM Health St Mary's Madison
    • Unity Point Health Meriter Madison
    • Former Volunteers
  • Pregnancy After Loss
  • Education & Outreach
    • Committee
    • E-Newsletter
    • Member Stories
    • Community Collaboration
    • Brochures
    • Bereaved Parent Advocacy
    • Legislation
    • PAIL Film & Panel Discussion
    • Professional Training
    • Newsletter
  • Giving Back
    • Supporters
    • How to help!
  • Board of Directors